kikospeaks

musings on life

Here, you'll learn about my journey of adulting in the Windy City.

Do all women marry their fathers?

*Insert deep, dramatic sigh* So, I wrote this post several hours ago then my Macbook started acting wonky and I lost everything I wrote; unfortunately, nothing saved. I know, rookie move...

Not long ago, I came across a blog post on Facebook that got my wheels spinning. Honestly, it wasn't something I really thought about before, but should be considered: What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz? For as long as I can remember, I can recall hearing in church that 'good, Christian women,'  as long as they wait patiently, will be sent this flawless, brawny-like Boaz-type. Clearly I'm exaggerating, but you get what I mean. I took some time to revisit the book of Ruth (it's a short book, only 4 chapters) because I needed to learn some more about this Boaz and why he's considered such a prize to some of these women. When it came down to it, I couldn't really determine if Ruth + Boaz had "chemistry," but Ruth saw something very important in Boaz: stability. She saw that he was a P-R-O-V-I-D-E-R, do you know what that is? If you don't know the Webbie reference here, then that last line makes no sense...

Ruth, who was working not just sittin' around waiting to be chose, saw that Boaz could provide security for herself, her mother-and-law and even get a child out of the deal. There's nothing wrong with any of this. I can't recall ever saying I was waiting for my Boaz. But I have always said I want someone like my dad -- and you know who reminded me of this? Iyanla (keep that judgement for someone else). I was watching an episode of Fix My Life recently and she said something to the effect of, "women tend to marry their fathers, be it a good example or bad." As I watched and laughed every time Iyanla said beloved, I thought: she ain't lyin. My dad is the best.

This is probably wrong and should be avoided, but I've always put Dr. Patrick Leon Mason somewhat on a pedestal. For 29 years, I've watched a man of very humble beginnings pursue his career as an economist relentlessly. Seen him love and care for his mother-in-law as if she were his own mother. He's schooled and taught disrespectful brothers and sister-in-laws how to love. He's commit himself to various leadership positions within the church. Loved his grandchildren infinitely and of course, love and support my mother in every possible way. And me? The sacrifices that were made for my education and to ensure my future is bright, could never be forgotten or re-payed. You know, when I was younger, I wanted to be just like him. And when I got to dating age, I can only look for suitors to be something like him. Why? The example he set! Because he's never led me astray or given me advice/guidance that wasn't based in facts. To this very day, there's nothing he's ever told me about men that isn't true. Shoot, my dad is the reason why I'm not really interested in hearing any excuses a man has to offer up these days. As a struggling graduate student in NYC, my dad would cover my mother's (frequent) flights to see him. A few years ago, my dad had to explain to me that a man who isn't where they need to be never has a reason to leave me alone -- why would they?  Dr. Mason didn't tell me what to do per se, but he gave enough examples (as he would in his classroom) for me to draw my own conclusions.

You see, a man with severe insecurities and constant judgement didn't even make the "What If God..." list. None of us are absent from or free of flaws, but an insecure man who constantly creates issues in his mind and possesses no sense of accountability is a sure sign of concern and a troublesome marriage. A man who belittles to make himself feel better ain't cool either. I've never seen my dad project unaccomplished feelings upon my mother or anyone else for that matter. I suppose I can see why some women aspire to marry a Boaz -- idk. My dad's pretty great, though. If a man comes into my life like him, I think I'll be quite alright. 

Kikora N. Mason