musings on life

Here, you'll learn about my journey of adulting in the Windy City.

What Would You Tell The Younger You?

Hey Kikora,

I'm writing to you from 10 years in the future. With a decade of experiences under my belt, there are some things I'd like to share with you -- not to influence any of your decisions (ok, maybe), but just to give you an idea of what you're going to be like. I know you're very curious about this because you think about it all the time (after all, you're me and I know me well), so here's some insight on a few topics...


You're currently in your sophomore year at Fisk and I know you LOVE it so much, but Mom & Dad are going to force you to transfer and you're going to be very, very, VERY upset about this. It's going to take you several years to understand this really is for the best in the long term and it's going to have a seriously good impact on your career and future educational plans. I know how important finding life-long friends is to you and you probably think your current circle is that group of girls. Well dear, the transfer is really going to shake up some things and you're going to separate from some people. But it's ok! There's nothing wrong with you and there's no wrong with them (maybe). Sometimes God just has to show us what we think is for us, simply is not. But you gon' be just fine. You'll see. You're going to have some wonderful internships that take you across the country and meet lots of wonderful people! The transfer is not the end of your life. 


Without giving too much away, dear Kikora, I want you to dig a bit deeper to find out what you're passionate about. You've chosen to study psychology, and that's perfectly fine, but really ask yourself, is psychology what I eat, breathe and sleep? I thoroughly remember how you landed on psychology as your field of study; re-think this. Go through this process again and don't be so influenced by what people around you are saying and expect you to do. It's time you start understanding your life is your own, not your parents'...


So the real reason you want a group of besties is because your relationship with your sister is broken. You're going to learn throughout your 20s you really aren't a people person, so being around a group of people all the time is draining for you. But you're seeking friendship and sisterhood. YOU are going to have to encourage the relationship. I know you think since you're the youngest this isn't your responsibility, but sadly, it won't happen if you don't start working on it now. Be the sister you want to have. And while you're at it, call your brother more, too. You can't choose your family, but you can certainly do your part to make the sure the relationships you have are loving, functional and dependable. Just try, ok? All I'm asking you to do is try. If you don't, she won't either. I'm telling you now. 

Granny is not going to live forever. I don't want to scare you, but she's going to develop a heartbreaking disease and Mom is going to be really, really stressed for a while. This won't happen until later, so try not to worry yourself with this right now, but you need a heads up. You're also going to have several disagreements with Mom as you grow into a woman -- you know how she treats you like you're 12 now? Well, she's still going to treat you like a 12-year-old in the next decade. *shrugs* It's Mom, so there isn't much we can do here lol. Choose your battles wisely and remember: even though you're Mom and Dad's baby, you're not actually a baby. You're an intelligent young woman who can be a bit headstrong...just watch your mouth and walk away the arguments you know you're not going to win. Just walk away...


You don't have a lot of experience in this area, and there's nothing wrong with that. Stop allowing people (including Mom) to tell you you're SO sheltered. You are fine. For the most part, you're going to make relatively sound dating decisions and you're going to meet some very diverse men throughout your 20s from some of everywhere. I'll just say this...even if you think you're sure, re-think. In fact, I'm encouraging you to overthink in this department lol. You're going to encounter an eye-opening experience involving someone who's going to spread some pretty terrible lies about you in your absence. You are going to cry from this experience. A lot. For a long time. But one day, you'll wake up, it'll be over and the situation will no longer sting. Don't you dare ever settle for less than what you deserve; you really have such a bright, bright future ahead of you. Don't let any negro manipulate you into thinking you have wronged them, have to take care of them or that you're crazy. You are, and will continue to be, very sane.


You're going to develop a rather sharp tongue and I really want you to be careful with that. There's power in words, as you know, and you are going to make people cry because of something you've said to them. Please be careful. Ask God to help you with your temper and things that you say. I know you tend to think you have a really great point most of the time (and you usually do), but there's a way to say and do anything. You're not ever going to be a loud mouth, but I just want you to watch that tongue of yours.

You're such a curious person; I very much want you to hold onto this. Keep questioning things and people. Because you're petite and soft spoken, but are going to try to play you -- don't allow them. I don't have to tell you to be proud of your blackness and womanhood, because you do that already. But I do want you to allow yourself to make mistakes. I want you to start seeing the value of EXPERIENCES now. Find the time to study abroad, you're going to be pissed at yourself if you don't.

You are wise. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. Your parents love you. God loves you. I love you -- the future you loves you now and in the future! Embrace your path and continue listening to yourself and God. That is all.

With love,